Dating a roller girl: A survival guide

Some words of advice if your girl decides to take up derby:

1. If she gets naked, and tells you to “come look at my ass, quick”! don’t get excited. She just wants to show you a new bruise shaped EXACTLY like an Atom wheel.
2. If she’s fully clothed, and tells you to “come look at my ass, quick”! again, don’t get excited. She just wants to show you that her ass is now so well developed, she can balance a beer on it.
3. If she’s whining about how much pain she is in, do NOT, repeat, do NOT, say, “why don’t you just give up derby”. This will only result in,
a) cold shoulder
b) yells of “you don’t understand”!
c) the ENTIRE TEAM giving you the cold shoulder for your lack of support.
4. If she is whining about how much time derby takes, see #3.
5. Just accept the fact that sometimes her sweat will smell like beer.
6. Also just accept that your formerly demure, sweet, and quiet girl, may forget that she’s not in the company of 60 other roller girls, and smell her pits in public.
7. If you smell something funky in your living area, it’s the skate bag. Find it, hide it far away from you. Do not, under any circumstances, open the bag.
8. When she comes home and announces that she’s going to wash out her pads, find an excuse, any excuse, to leave the house before she gets them out of her bag. Run fast.
9. Do not be alarmed if she has a “wife” in the league. It’s nothing personal.
10. When she is on her period, chances are, the entire league is on their period. All 30-80 of them. Keep it in mind.
11. She will consider panties appropriate attire. Don’t try to fight it.
12. Don’t waste your money on jewelry. She wants new wheels. If you really want to get laid, new wheels AND bearings.
13. It’s not a good idea to let her drive if she’s just been skating. She will see the car as one giant roller skate, and every other driver as the opposing team.
14. Those cute feet that you love? Say your goodbyes. They will develop blisters, “pusher creatures”, bruises and bunions. Make sure to tell her “they’re not that bad” when she goes to wear flip flops in the summer.
15. If you’re a girl dating a roller girl, don’t try to fight it. You’ll probably become one too.
16. If you’re a guy dating a girl, either accept your derby widow status, or try to support her by supporting the league as a volunteer.
17. Overall, say goodbye to the girl you once knew. She’s been replaced by a roller girl. She’s still the same person, just stronger, more confident(and if you’re smart) to you, a million times more beautiful.

Dating a roller girl: A survival guide

Some words of advice if your girl decides to take up derby:

1. If she gets naked, and tells you to “come look at my ass, quick”! don’t get excited. She just wants to show you a new bruise shaped EXACTLY like an Atom wheel.
2. If she’s fully clothed, and tells you to “come look at my ass, quick”! again, don’t get excited. She just wants to show you that her ass is now so well developed, she can balance a beer on it.
3. If she’s whining about how much pain she is in, do NOT, repeat, do NOT, say, “why don’t you just give up derby”. This will only result in,
a) cold shoulder
b) yells of “you don’t understand”!
c) the ENTIRE TEAM giving you the cold shoulder for your lack of support.
4. If she is whining about how much time derby takes, see #3.
5. Just accept the fact that sometimes her sweat will smell like beer.
6. Also just accept that your formerly demure, sweet, and quiet girl, may forget that she’s not in the company of 60 other roller girls, and smell her pits in public.
7. If you smell something funky in your living area, it’s the skate bag. Find it, hide it far away from you. Do not, under any circumstances, open the bag.
8. When she comes home and announces that she’s going to wash out her pads, find an excuse, any excuse, to leave the house before she gets them out of her bag. Run fast.
9. Do not be alarmed if she has a “wife” in the league. It’s nothing personal.
10. When she is on her period, chances are, the entire league is on their period. All 30-80 of them. Keep it in mind.
11. She will consider panties appropriate attire. Don’t try to fight it.
12. Don’t waste your money on jewelry. She wants new wheels. If you really want to get laid, new wheels AND bearings.
13. It’s not a good idea to let her drive if she’s just been skating. She will see the car as one giant roller skate, and every other driver as the opposing team.
14. Those cute feet that you love? Say your goodbyes. They will develop blisters, “pusher creatures”, bruises and bunions. Make sure to tell her “they’re not that bad” when she goes to wear flip flops in the summer.
15. If you’re a girl dating a roller girl, don’t try to fight it. You’ll probably become one too.
16. If you’re a guy dating a girl, either accept your derby widow status, or try to support her by supporting the league as a volunteer.
17. Overall, say goodbye to the girl you once knew. She’s been replaced by a roller girl. She’s still the same person, just stronger, more confident(and if you’re smart) to you, a million times more beautiful.

Horses!

After weeks of struggle, I finally got my butt out to the barn to go riding! It’s been a constant battle of taking a couple hours off, only to have the sky open up with rain!
Since my horse is a little guy, if I want to ride I have to depend on the kindness of the barn people. Yesterday I got to ride Classic, whom I LOVE! He’s a bundle of energy. From the second I get on and say go, he’s all, “OMG! Yay! Riding! Let’s go fast! Can we go fast yet? Is it time to go fast NOW? Hey what’s that over there? Let’s go FAST and check it out!!!!”

Since it was still too muddy to go outside, we did lots of controlled trots and canters indoors, which was not the FAST that Classic likes to go, but after about 30 minutes he had settled down.
After a couple hours, when I started realizing that I had derby practice the next day, and my calves were already killing me, I cooled him down, and went to put him in the cross ties to take the tack off and brush him.
When we had our “WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING”?? moment.
See, even the calmest, sweetest horse, has that moment when a leaf, a plastic bag, or the same bucket they have seen every single day for years freaks them out! All of a sudden the leaf is a bloodthirsty dragon, the bucket is an instrument of torture, etc.
Classic had that moment when I went to clip the second half of the cross ties onto his halter. Eyes rolled back in the head and he BOLTED! Pulled out of the cross ties, saddle still on, martingale dangling and he took off! Luckily, I had closed the main gate, so it was only a few minutes of chasing him around the indoor ring. But still. My yell alerted everyone else at the barn, who already eye me suspiciously due to the pink hair, tatoos, and insistence on posting when I trot.
I caught Classic quickly and safely, got his tack off and put him out with the other horses, where he told his story of the big scary THING that almost got him, but he was quick enough and strong enough to get away!

That’s Starkey, my miniature horse.

This is Bella, who is green broke and beautiful. I love her lots.

I’m going to try and get out again as much as possible in the next couple weeks. Classic is being GIVEN AWAY and won’t be at the barn anymore. He’s the 3rd horse to leave this year. Unfortunately, with the economy getting bad, horses are one of the first things people get rid of. The auctions have been beyond crowded the past few years, with more horses than buyers. I WISH we had enough to afford boarding another horse, but we just can’t right now.
Hopefully it’s dry enough before he goes away to get outside and GO FAST at least one more time!

Horses!

After weeks of struggle, I finally got my butt out to the barn to go riding! It’s been a constant battle of taking a couple hours off, only to have the sky open up with rain!
Since my horse is a little guy, if I want to ride I have to depend on the kindness of the barn people. Yesterday I got to ride Classic, whom I LOVE! He’s a bundle of energy. From the second I get on and say go, he’s all, “OMG! Yay! Riding! Let’s go fast! Can we go fast yet? Is it time to go fast NOW? Hey what’s that over there? Let’s go FAST and check it out!!!!”

Since it was still too muddy to go outside, we did lots of controlled trots and canters indoors, which was not the FAST that Classic likes to go, but after about 30 minutes he had settled down.
After a couple hours, when I started realizing that I had derby practice the next day, and my calves were already killing me, I cooled him down, and went to put him in the cross ties to take the tack off and brush him.
When we had our “WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING”?? moment.
See, even the calmest, sweetest horse, has that moment when a leaf, a plastic bag, or the same bucket they have seen every single day for years freaks them out! All of a sudden the leaf is a bloodthirsty dragon, the bucket is an instrument of torture, etc.
Classic had that moment when I went to clip the second half of the cross ties onto his halter. Eyes rolled back in the head and he BOLTED! Pulled out of the cross ties, saddle still on, martingale dangling and he took off! Luckily, I had closed the main gate, so it was only a few minutes of chasing him around the indoor ring. But still. My yell alerted everyone else at the barn, who already eye me suspiciously due to the pink hair, tatoos, and insistence on posting when I trot.
I caught Classic quickly and safely, got his tack off and put him out with the other horses, where he told his story of the big scary THING that almost got him, but he was quick enough and strong enough to get away!

That’s Starkey, my miniature horse.

This is Bella, who is green broke and beautiful. I love her lots.

I’m going to try and get out again as much as possible in the next couple weeks. Classic is being GIVEN AWAY and won’t be at the barn anymore. He’s the 3rd horse to leave this year. Unfortunately, with the economy getting bad, horses are one of the first things people get rid of. The auctions have been beyond crowded the past few years, with more horses than buyers. I WISH we had enough to afford boarding another horse, but we just can’t right now.
Hopefully it’s dry enough before he goes away to get outside and GO FAST at least one more time!

Hey look! More Neil Gaiman!

My awesome friend Tom Klubens took a bunch of pictures the night we met Neil. He also does some of the photograhy/design for our yearly Naptown Roller Girls calender, AND takes lots and lots of pictures of us when we block/hit/score/fall/scream/cheer during derby bouts!



This thing was there. We didn’t know why, we just knew we had to put our faces in it. And our cleavage. Because our tatas are wanted. No pictures of the cleavage. Just know that it happened.

That is photographic evidence of my excitement level. After some contemplation, I realized part of the reason I had said I never wanted to meet Neil. I didn’t want him to be a jerk that didn’t live up to the, for lack of a better word, expectations I had about meeting him.
But he did. So that was cool.

Mr. Debauchery’s excited face.

Dill was excited to meet the food guy. We were cracking jokes with him while we were there, and he tolerated us… so props to food guy!


That’s our group meeting Neil!

Neil speaking.

Dinner with Neil

Mrs. and Mrs. Ire. I love both of these gals so much!

So. That should be the end of my fangirl gushing. Again, it was nice, Neil was nice, Lorraine and Cat who helped arrange the whole thing were nice… that is all. Those of you that I have never met but have found my cell phone number and have called to congratulate me/ask for an introductions.. um, nice, but a bit creepy. So please don’t do that.
Right, there is an agent eagerly awaiting me to finish up this pattern and send it to her, so I’m getting back to work!

Hey look! More Neil Gaiman!

My awesome friend Tom Klubens took a bunch of pictures the night we met Neil. He also does some of the photograhy/design for our yearly Naptown Roller Girls calender, AND takes lots and lots of pictures of us when we block/hit/score/fall/scream/cheer during derby bouts!



This thing was there. We didn’t know why, we just knew we had to put our faces in it. And our cleavage. Because our tatas are wanted. No pictures of the cleavage. Just know that it happened.

That is photographic evidence of my excitement level. After some contemplation, I realized part of the reason I had said I never wanted to meet Neil. I didn’t want him to be a jerk that didn’t live up to the, for lack of a better word, expectations I had about meeting him.
But he did. So that was cool.

Mr. Debauchery’s excited face.

Dill was excited to meet the food guy. We were cracking jokes with him while we were there, and he tolerated us… so props to food guy!


That’s our group meeting Neil!

Neil speaking.

Dinner with Neil

Mrs. and Mrs. Ire. I love both of these gals so much!

So. That should be the end of my fangirl gushing. Again, it was nice, Neil was nice, Lorraine and Cat who helped arrange the whole thing were nice… that is all. Those of you that I have never met but have found my cell phone number and have called to congratulate me/ask for an introductions.. um, nice, but a bit creepy. So please don’t do that.
Right, there is an agent eagerly awaiting me to finish up this pattern and send it to her, so I’m getting back to work!

Learning to Spin

I got some practice time in on my wheel this weekend. (Since it rained and I could NOT go riding. BOOO)
I’m making progress I think!

This is attempt number 1. It’s a teeny tiny skein the size of my hand.

Attempt number two looked a little better, but I’ve got lots of kinks where the twist was too tight. I tried adjusting the tension but it didn’t seem to help.

Attempt number 3 was lots more fun, but still overtwisting in some places and undertwisting in others. I like the way it looks though! I’m thinking of whipping up a scarf in it. Reminds me of the joker with it’s bright green and purple!

Attempt number 4 was a tiny bit of super soft roving. Still overtwisting, but still nice. I’m trying not to get frustrated at my lack of instant perfection. This takes time to learn right???

I just went shopping for some new roving over at Bananamigraine’s etsy!

Lots of pretty colors, can’t wait to get it and try some more spinning!

Learning to Spin

I got some practice time in on my wheel this weekend. (Since it rained and I could NOT go riding. BOOO)
I’m making progress I think!

This is attempt number 1. It’s a teeny tiny skein the size of my hand.

Attempt number two looked a little better, but I’ve got lots of kinks where the twist was too tight. I tried adjusting the tension but it didn’t seem to help.

Attempt number 3 was lots more fun, but still overtwisting in some places and undertwisting in others. I like the way it looks though! I’m thinking of whipping up a scarf in it. Reminds me of the joker with it’s bright green and purple!

Attempt number 4 was a tiny bit of super soft roving. Still overtwisting, but still nice. I’m trying not to get frustrated at my lack of instant perfection. This takes time to learn right???

I just went shopping for some new roving over at Bananamigraine’s etsy!

Lots of pretty colors, can’t wait to get it and try some more spinning!

It’s official!

I am turning into my Grandmother! (Minus the ability to make those awesome peach cookie things)
We bought this a week ago, and finally got it put together!

I tried to spin on it a bit, and discovered that I need oil. Also that it was midnight and I wake up at 330am. So… this weekend hopefully.

Speaking of this weekend… Project number one on the list, clean this up:

Project 2: Get my ass out to the barn, and go riding. Also hook Starkey up to his cart. Which means figuring out the harness…
Should be a very interesting Sunday!

It’s official!

I am turning into my Grandmother! (Minus the ability to make those awesome peach cookie things)
We bought this a week ago, and finally got it put together!

I tried to spin on it a bit, and discovered that I need oil. Also that it was midnight and I wake up at 330am. So… this weekend hopefully.

Speaking of this weekend… Project number one on the list, clean this up:

Project 2: Get my ass out to the barn, and go riding. Also hook Starkey up to his cart. Which means figuring out the harness…
Should be a very interesting Sunday!