How a roller girl buys jeans…

With places like Hot Topic now coming out with their line of “roller girl style” clothing, I thought I would give some of you out there an idea of what REAL roller girl shopping is like. Here is my step by step guide to buying jeans if you decide to become a roller girl.
Step one:
Join a team. Don’t buy new pants for the first few months. You’ll just be throwing your money away.
Step two:
After several months of wall squats, calf raises, slow and low drills, toe stop drills, etc, notice that your pants feel a little loose in the waist. Think, “yay! I’m getting skinny”.
Hah. Think again.
Step three:
Go to store like you always do, and snag a pair or two of your favorite brand of jeans, one size down from your current size. Don’t bother trying them on.
Step four:
Go home, try to put on new jeans, and realize they don’t go over your butt. Think, “what the heck? Must be a defect”. (if you say that loudly enough, you’ll hear the muffled sound of thousands of roller girls snickering at you) head back to store, return jeans, and grab a few more pairs to try on.
Step five:
Try on jeans in dressing room, realize none of them go over your butt and thighs. Wonder if your favorite brand has somehow altered their design process.
Step six:
Wander through store, grabbing every brand of jeans you can see in your size. Think, “what the heck” and grab some a size up from your normal size. Though of course they’ll be too big, since you now have a smaller waist and the beginnings of killer abs.
Step seven:
Try to stop from hysterically screaming and crying in dressing room, surrounded by at least 10 pairs of discarded jeans in your size. Feel like designers have all altered their design process, and consider writing in and complaining. As a last ditch effort, try on pair of jeans that are destined to be “too big”.
Step eight:
Manage to get too big jeans on over thighs and derby butt very comfortably. In fact, amazing fit for thighs and butt… but way too big on waist. In fact, to get perfect fit on waist, realize that you will have to almost fold section of waistband over and buckle with belt.
Step nine:
Accept new jean size with grace, but make a point to buy multiple belts, and explain to cashier that you are actually a smaller size, it’s your butt and thighs that are insisting on larger pants, not your stomach. Your waist is smaller, your waist is smaller… repeat as a sort of mantra to keep from punching smirking cashier with her skinny jeans on.
Step ten:
Mention that you went jeans shopping to vets at practice. Sigh with relief as they all begin to rant about having to buy jeans in larger size to fit thighs and butt.
Step eleven:
Forget to wear belt while running to the store in new derby jeans. Give disgruntled sigh as they keep falling down.
Step twelve:
Repeat steps 1-11 after another year of training.