I am not a number…

I’ve decided to reevaluate my fitness goals. I’ve spent the last few months obsessing over losing the last 10lbs of my goal. I’m on the scale twice a day, stressing over the fact that it is NOT BUDGING!
Instead, I should be focusing on the fact that I’ve gained a LAP AND A HALF on my five minute drill, the fact that my endurance is so much better, the fact that I can do twice as many push ups as before… not some stupid freaking scale!
Scales and I have a bad history anyway. Those that know me know I’ve had a past with my weight, which was extremely unhealthy. At 5’7″ I weighed less than 100 pounds at the age of 20. A lot less than 100 pounds actually. The wake up call was when I couldn’t DO the things I wanted to do. I couldn’t run a mile, I couldn’t jump around on stage with my bass, I couldn’t even play with my dog! So what was the point of being skinny? I’ve posted this pic before, but here’s evidence of what I looked like as I started actually GAINING weight!

On the other side, when I got too heavy, I ran into the same problems. I couldn’t run a mile, I wasn’t as good of a skater, etc. I feel like weight wise, I’m at a pretty good place right now. Being a derby girl forces me to stay at a healthy weight. For one thing, I’m working out all the dang time, for another, I’m committed to this. To be a good derby girl, I have to eat and train like the athlete I want to be. My body needs good fuel if I expect it to perform at the level I want to perform at.

Which brings me to this; I’m hiding my scale. I’m done with it. I will no longer set my fitness goals by a number. My new fitness goal is not this final ten pounds I want to lose. Instead, I want these things:
1. I want to gain another half lap on my five minute drill. Goal date = Mid October.
2. I want to take my shirt off like every other derby girl. Goal date = First bout.

The half lap I will get by training harder. The shirt thing? That’s all about my confidence. Derby requires girls of all sizes, and almost all of the girls on my team whip their shirts off when it’s too hot. But me? I suffer and sweat because I’m not confident enough in the way I look. Which is stupid. So by the first bout, the shirt will come off. To hold myself accountable, I’ll post a pic of it from the after party on this blog.
I said to a friend the other day, and I stand by this: I am not perfect. But I’m faster and stronger than I was last month. And next month I’ll be faster and stronger than I am this month. That is all I’m going to focus on from now on. No more numbers. Just faster, stronger, and then a little faster than before.