Tales from the coffee shop! (tell the Catholics edition)

As most of you know, I own a little coffee shop near my home, and have done so for over a decade now. (Jeez)Obviously in that amount of time, I have seen my share of “wacky” customers. Usually it averages out to one a month, but some weeks, the crazy just rolls in!
Yesterday was gross crazy. Woman comes in and when she leaves she wads up her napkins and trash and stuffs them into her mug. (Tip, only do this if you really, really hate the person waiting on you. Because they’re probably the one who has to reach their hand into the cup and pull your trash out!)
Then we notice that in her mug of trash, is a bloody piece of gauze. She took gauze off of whatever wound she was rocking and put it into a mug for us to clean. We threw the mug away. And if we see her again, that lady is getting a “to go” cup.

Today though, I had this fun interaction! Lady comes to counter, orders a small coffee then tells me “You tell the Catholics that they trashed the wrong house. It was mine!”
I do the polite smile and nod thing, because I have no idea what she’s talking about. She repeats that same line two more times, then I try to direct her to the self serve coffees and start giving her descriptions of our different roasts. I started out with our Arabian coffee and said

” This is our dark roast, Arabian.”

I was not prepared for the outrage that this would cause.

“Oh no! Oh no! Not that one! That is the wrong image! We don’t do that!” and with those words it was clear that she was no longer just irritated but had crossed over to full on pissed off. She poured herself some coffee, still ranting about how “that was the wrong image!” then as she’s turning to leave it’s once again,

“You tell those Catholics that they trashed the wrong house! It was MY FUCKING HOUSE!” turning to make sure the customer closest to her could hear her as well. (Trust me lady, everyone in the cafe is hearing your words)

She stomped to the door and over her shoulder, in a completely different, totally cheery voice said “Have a nice day!”

Then I watched her try to get into the wrong car, walk a couple spaces over to her SUV and take off.

And these are the weeks that, despite loving my job overall, I just wish I was a secretary in a normal 9-5.