I’ve worked as a barista for many, many years now. It’s not an easy job, despite what most people on the other side of the counter may think. And I’m going to be 100% honest with you: Your barista is totally judging you by your drink order.
Doesn’t mean you shouldn’t order what you want (with only a couple of exceptions)!
*** Please note that this is completely tongue in cheek!***
Black coffee = No fuss, no nonsense. We could be friends.
Flat White = You’re slightly trendy, or an expat missing home.
Pour Over = You’re very trendy. Borderline hipster.
Deconstructed coffee = You’re so damn hipster you rode your weird, 18th century bike here wearing your boat shoes, fedora hat that doesn’t really fit your head and a tank top. Also hell no. We aren’t making that.
Extra hot, no foam*. Absolutely no foam = You probably have a lot of friends that talk a lot of shit about you behind your back. Also, you failed 8th grade science. But somehow, you drive a better car than me and don’t need to work for a living.
*Note: No foam is fine. But extra hot no foam means you hate baristas. Like, a barista stole your barbie when you were 4 and took the head off then returned it after you complained to your mom, and they told you it was fine because they put the head back on but it made the neck about half an inch shorter and looked completely weird. Barbie was never the same. So now you relish the look of pain on the baristas face when you say “extra hot no foam” because that’s the pain you went through! Now they can feel it too!
Espresso Macchiato = You appreciate quality espresso. We like you.
Chai Latte = You went through a hippie phase your freshman year of college and totally gate rushed at Woodstock.
Dirty Chai or Dirty Hippie = You’re a little weird and don’t care who knows it.
Blended Caramel Mocha with extra caramel, extra mocha, only 1 shot in a large with extra drizzle and extra whip = You’re 13. If it’s “for here” and you’re meeting a bunch of friends we’re giving you decaf.
Medium cappuccino with cinnamon powder in the bottom of the cup, shots next, skim milk microfoamed and extra dry = you’ve owned a coffee shop for 12 years and you’re freaking obnoxious when you order coffee anywhere else. Also, your friends pretend they don’t know you when you’re ordering! (If you can’t tell, this is me)