Why I only have one or two parties every year….

Last weekend we had our annual summer party. It involves renting THIS:

Drinking lots of THESE:

And slowly but surely watching things dissolve into mass chaos.

There were a TON of people in and around my house. Some of them were naked. These things just happen. I can’t post the majority of the pictures or video taken, so I’ll share some of my twitter feed:

There are boobies, booties, and ass beatings.

My house is madness!

Omg! Someone hired a stripper!

Who the heck hires a male stripper for a bunch of lesbians?

It is dissolving into madness!

I am drunk and on twitter

Topless jousting… knew it would happen.

Right. Drunk fireworks were a GREAT IDEA!!!!

Here come the body shots…

Holy shit is it only 1039??? Uh oh…

Like all derby parties, there becomes a wall sit competition. Becomes? What? You know what imsayin…

From topless jousting to nekkid jousting…

And my tweet from the next morning: “Has anyone seen my shoes”???

We went to bed around 4am. If you ever decide to have your own roller girl jousting madness party, here are my words of advice:

1.Don’t let the stripper in the door. Especially if he’s orange and smells funny and NOT dressed up like a cop the way he was supposed to be.

2. Leave the guitars out. It’s hilarity.

3. Bubble gum vodka is the devil.

4. If you decide to take your clothes off and race cars in the street or run around the house, make sure to carry your clothing with you. Otherwise the other girls will hide them.

5. Tag team jousting is where it’s at.

6. There are no rules in jousting. None. No. Rules.

7. Only allow cameras manned by those you trust. You do NOT need to be tagged in some of these pictures and plastered around face book for the world to see. Your friends will take pictures. But your derby girls (and derby photogs) will put them in a private file and not let your reputation become sullied.

8. Green Chartreuse is also the devil. (but sooo yummy)

9. At some point, someone should take your phone away and cut off your twitter access.

10. When your husband/boyfriend/girlfriend/wife can no longer stand, is missing their shoes, and only wearing one sock with no knowledge of where the other one went, put them to bed.

Here are a few of the safer pictures from the night.

The girls decide to feast on Sassy Burrito, but found her lacking in meat.

If more safe pictures from the night surface, I will post them. Unfortunately it was a night full of madness and debauchery. Which is why I only have derby parties a couple of times per year. Only so much madness my calm suburban neighborhood can tolerate!